healing snow day

It was the best day.  I went to bible study and we had a great group.  It's so great studying the book of Revelation.  This is where I started learning about his sovereignty.  He is in control of my situation and the beautiful snow.  It was the most gorgeous day ever!  After lunch, Matt and I built a fire and watched the kids play until nap time.  We took Roman out of quiet time early and sledded on the golf course with all the neighborhood friends.  The kids had a blast.  It was so fun to take Carmen down the hill.  Roman was scared at first, but ended up going down plenty of times.  After dinner we bathed the kids and got them in bed.  Matt and I enjoyed another fire in the fireplace and just hung out.  We laughed and talked.  I'v been having terrible fears, it was great to talk. Later we prayed on our knees holding hands thanking him for this day and all his blessings and fervently begging for God to heal me.  God is so good. I'm so blessed to have Matt.  He is the best husband and friend I could possibly have.  God gave me this verse through a stack of verses that Anne had left with me.

  

Praise the Lord, my soul;

    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 

Praise the Lord, my soul,

    and forget not all his benefits—

3 

who forgives all your sins

    and heals all your diseases,

4 

who redeems your life from the pit

    and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 

who satisfies your desires with good things

    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

psalm 103:1-5

I truly believe my God can forgive Matt's and my sins and heal my diseases.   HE can heal my cancer and HE will!  HIS word told me.  Did I say it yet, what a beautiful day it was today!

baldy's in the snow

So many people there!  It was a blast!

Love this guy!

Cuties excited about some snow!

Diana, me, Leslie, Kristie, Leslie, Nancy

Chemo Round 2 and BRCA2

Ashley Jansen showed up at my door Monday morning with a huge box of medicines, iTunes gift cards, socks, hats, magazine subscriptions, bottled waters, 3 cosmetic bags filled for my car, home, and bedside, and so much more. She had coordinated with my close friends here and they all gathered these goodies for me. Absolutely unbelievable! I am so humbled by my friends' generosity! Not only did she show up with this package, she was willing to sit with me until 2pm at the infusion center. She made getting chemo a somewhat good experience. She prayed with me, held my hand through the terrible parts, and was just amazing. I am forever grateful for our friendship!

I did pretty good Monday night and was even able to make it to bible study on Tuesday morning. Matt's parents flew in town Tuesday evening to help out. They are amazing. I pretty much slept most of Wednesday and Thursday. I kept thinking that I was getting enough water, but I got severely dehydrated. Water tastes like dirt.  The nausea was terrible! It was so much worse this time. The doctor prescribed me different medicine, but nothing cut it completely. By Friday morning, I started spiraling downhill fast. We had an appointment with the genetic counselor that morning. I threw up beforehand, and by the time we met with the counselor, Matt was desperately on the phone with my doctor's office. Luckily they were across the street and told him to bring me immediately for an IV of fluids and nausea medicine. I feel like the whole week was a daze and so foggy. The IV helped so much, but I'm still not 100%.  Chemo sucks! 

Cancer sucks too!! I found out at the genetic counselor that I have the BRCA2 gene mutation. Which means, I had a 40-80% of getting breast cancer and now my children have a 50% chance of getting it one day too. Also, I have a large chance of it coming back as ovarian cancer one day. Therefore, I am told to get a full hysterectomy by the age of 35. Wow! Lots of terrible information to take in! I know God is still in control, but it's totally okay to scream Cancer sucks!!!

Here's my Heart Lord

I went on a walk the other day and just listened to this David Crowder song over and over. It was so beautiful to see the sun shining through the Georgia trees and I couldn't stop thinking how God's light is so evident in this terrible situation. Who cares if I'm a baldy on a walk in a beanie hat? I am Loved and Healed! HE is truly all I have!

"Here's my heart Lord,
Here's my life Lord, 
Speak what is true 

I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I'm made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

‘Cause You are strong, You are sure
You are life, You endure
You are good, always true
You are light breaking through

You are more than enough
You are here, You are love
You are hope, You are grace
You're all I have, You're everything"

Connections

Hudson's teacher at church, Debbie, has been amazing and loved on him so much. Even when he was tiny and cried all the time!  She has repeatedly asked to babysit him, but we haven't had a date or reason for a sitter yet. She found me on Facebook and told me that we had a mutual friend, Jamie. I couldn't believe it. Jamie is the lady from Panera! They taught school together. What a small world! Also, Debbie mentioned that she had three older kids and has been a widow for 10 years. I told her that I could sympathize because my dad had passed away 10 years ago also. She said it would actually be 10 years this July. My dad passed away in July also. After a few seconds of silence, we discovered that they both had passed on July 24th a year apart from each other. So crazy! She said she had felt a connection to our family from the beginning. I'm grateful that God put a woman with such a big heart in my life just to show me that He is in every. single. detail.

Carmen's first day of school

Carmen started her first day of school on January 8th. We decided to put her in pre-school to help give me more time to rest and for her to grow. Matt's mom helped coordinate with the school and got her in a class. They have been so helpful! She was so excited to be a big girl like her brother. There were tears at first when I dropped her off, but I checked back a few minutes later and she was happily playing. When I picked the kids up that afternoon, Carmen plopped in the car and yelled, "Mommy I love school!"  Yay!  Success!!

8 months

Hudson turned 8 months on January 9th. He's growing so fast! He weighs around 23 lbs! 

Hudson is so verbal because he is always fighting for attention between his siblings

He never sits still for very long. Hudson is crawling everywhere and on the move. 

He wears size 4 diaper and mostly size 12-18 month clothes. He is in size 18 month jammies

Hudson smiles all the time and we just love his dimple. 

He still takes 5 bottles a day and eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He is starting to love people food that he can feed himself. He still eats stage 3 jar food. 

Hudson stood on his own for 10 seconds the other day! I have a feeling he will be walking sooner than later. 

He still loves his brother and sister and craves their attention. Poor Carmen can be rough with him sometimes. Gotta keep your eyes on her!

We love you sweet Hudson! Your smile brings a light to our family! We are forever grateful to God for you!

Mommy and Daddy

Hair

Kelly, the wig lady, called it. She said my hair would start falling out between day 14-20 after my first chemo and sure enough it started coming out in small clumps on day 16.  Hudson would grab it and a little clump would be in his tiny hands. I got a little sad at first and then my mom reminded me that so many people are praying for my well being and that's why I haven't been too devastated. I really was doing okay with the fact that my hair was falling out. Tuesday evening, I had the best thought. I know it was from God. The fact that my hair is falling out is such a great thing because it is a visual reminder from God that the chemo is working to kill fast growing cells in my body. Well, keep it up! Fall out hair!  I just keep praying that the chemo is working. Praise God for that awesome visual!

Matt and I went together on Wednesday afternoon to buzz our heads. It was a cool experience. I have the best husband ever! I left with a great wig that is completely covered by insurance and I have some cute hats and scarves for most days around the house. God knows the number of hairs on my head and he's going to replace each and every one after this trial is over!

We showed the kids our hair the next morning. They didn't even notice that I was wearing a hat that night. Kids are so 'go with the flow'. Roman mentioned that he liked me better with my wig and Carmen liked to feel my soft head. They really haven't mentioned it much since. Yay! Roman got a haircut on Thursday from Charity across the street and requested it be super short like mommy and daddy's hair. I love that boy!  God is so good!

Here's the before picture

Afterwards!